Living Together
Should you move in with each other?
You Don't have to Live Together to Determine Compatibility
These Ideas Can Work Just as Well
1. Mingle your check book/income and bills.
2. Meet for an early breakfast and see how they
are early in the morning.
3. Visit a nursing home together and observe their
interactions with older folks.
4. Spend time with children together-babysit,
church nursery, etc
5. Observe their-
Grooming style of clothes
Car- the price, interior upkeep, maintenance
The bathroom in their apartment
Behavior with their friends
Drinking or drug use
Behavior while under the influence.
If you like the person better when you
or him/her is under the influence 0f drugs
or alcohol, you have a major problem that
will not go away with time, it will only
escalate. Start observing the person without
that influence (yours or theirs')very carefully.
Behavior and attitude towards--
Waiters and waitresses
Handicapped people, old people, or slow people
Work, their job or career goals
School, life goals, ambition
6. Compare music styles and its importance to you.
7. Compare feelings about cars–simple transportation
or expression of personality
8. Discuss and compare vacation ideas, hobbies,
leisure time activities
9. Go camping with others (separate tents.)
10. Discuss openly the reasons why previous
relationships broke up.
11. Don't compromise on your spiritual/religious
values. If these are not in agreement before
marriage, don't get married.
Comments on living together before marriage
Many couples feel that they need to live together before marriage to make sure they are compatible.
They feel if they can get along living together before marriage and work out all the kinks, their
marriage will go better.
Research shows that this is just not true.
The statistics show that couples that live together before marriage have a greater chance of
divorcing in the future than those couples that don't live together first. There is also a greater
chance of adultery, abuse, and child abuse (if children are involved.)
Couples seem to think that living together will help them get to know the real person,
but it usually doesn't work that way. Each knows they are basically being observed
during this marriage experiment so if the relationship is important to them, they
want to make sure not to make waves of any sort. They will be careful not to show their true anger
style, or how they pout when they don't get their own way. If the relationship is not important to
them, you will see a true side, and then you should pay real close attention, because those
bad characteristics and traits will not go away with time or a marriage license.
As much as people would like to say that a relationship won't be any better or worse with a
piece of paper, that's not true either. That piece of paper represents a real commitment to
those that take it seriously. When two people decide to marry for life, they make a commitment
to see disagreements through to the end. They become solution oriented, and other centered,
not me-centered. They are able to work through the minor and major differences in personalities
and they are determined to learn as much as they can about each other in order to work, live,
and love well for a life time.
There are several states in this country that offer a covenant marriage license or a standard
marriage license. The covenant license states that the couple will go through extensive premarital
counseling, commit to no divorce, and if there is a major issue such as abuse, addictions, or
adultery, they will go through extensive marriage counseling in order to address and overcome
those tragedies. (Of course, if one partner is not willing to address the problem, a divorce is
possible, but usually only under those extreme cases. Not being compatible is not a good reason
to split up.)
Suppose you and your fiancé are going to buy the marriage license a few days be
fore your wedding. The clerk asks which you would like, the standard or the covenant license.
Your fiancé says, we'll take the standard license. Would you still marry your fiancé knowing
they are entering into it with the idea they want an easy way out if married life isn't easy?
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