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Forgiveness--For Your Sake

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

To err is human, to forgive is divine, "We all fall short of the glory of God. Forgiveness of another person may need to be inspired by God. We may not have the strength or desire to do it ourselves. We need to ask God's help in forgiving someone.

We all stand on level ground at the cross; We don't have "levels of sin," For example, "his sin is worse than mine." Don't get the idea that your sin grieves God any less than his/her sin, Sin is sin-stained is stained. Just because someone "did you wrong," doesn't mean that that person is the only bad guy. Worry and fear can be sins, too-the lack of faith.

Colossians 3:5-10 lists sins that aren't on the Ten commandment list-- like anger, rage, malice, bad language, etc. Ephesians 4:19-5:21 lists others in addition to these. We're all guilty of grieving God. Yet we can count on Him forgiving us when we ask.

Come up with a list of sins that most of us are guilty of at one time or another. Have you ever examined your own life with judgment day honesty?

The good news is that Christ died in order to take on all our sins that we've done and to also take on all the pain that's been done to us. We don't have to hold on to the pain. We have been invited and encouraged to give it to Christ. So, why do we choose to hold on to the very things that cause us pain? The very sins and pains that Christ has come to set us free from? Especially if we know that the instant we turn it over to Christ, He will exchange our pain for peace; exchange our weakness and inabilities for His strength and wisdom.

Read Matthew 18:21-35
As we are forgiven/asking for forgiveness, we are commanded to forgive others.
What is the benefit to you of withholding forgiveness?
What are you hoping will happen or afraid will happen if you forgive?

As long as forgiveness is withheld, it has power over you. Like a paddle ball on a rubber band, the pain the person caused you keeps bouncing back to hit you up the side of the head. The residual stuff, the stuff you haven't dealt with yet keeps coming back to cause fresh pain. Also, when you withhold forgiveness, the other person has someone to blame for all their problems. Not only the ones that may have occurred before the divorce, but even those that have happened since. If the anger and unforgiveness is there, a connection still remains. As long as your anger stays in place, there will always be a way to trace his/her problems back to you. Like that rubber band connecting the ball to the paddle. And as long as he/she can trace problems to you, there is no reason to look at himself/herself. Withholding forgiveness, prevents his/her growth. He/she may never seek God if he/she is never released to God by you. By your forgiveness~ by you cutting that rubber band. When the rubber band is cut, the ball is free to bounce all over the place without the results bouncing back to affect you. God will be able to find him/her better in a released/forgiven (by you) state.
For you, when you cut the string, your life is free. You can live your life without stuff bouncing back to hit you all the time. Whether it's his stuff or your past issues with him. You can move about your life freely. In your home, your town, your life, etc.

For his part, he may bounce all over the place for awhile looking for someone or something to react to--someone to blame for his misery. He could get connected to another paddle (someone else who caused him pain either from childhood or recently). Or he will bounce all over the place till he's lucky enough to realize that wherever he goes, the junk is with him, that maybe there is a common denominator (himself) to his problems. Maybe all the bouncing will bring him to a vertical bounce and he can look to God. But it'l1 be harder for that to happen as long as that rubber band of unforgiveness remains.

© Linda Campbell 2004

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” That means we may not have the strength or even the desire to forgive someone on our own. We need an inner strength to forgive others. Because it’s hard to just “let it go” when we’ve been wronged by someone (especially someone we love and trust.) Our natural tendency is to hold on to the pain and feel justified in withholding forgiveness. Some people think if they forgive the one who caused the pain that it implies what happened is okay and doesn’t hurt anymore. That’s not forgiveness. Forgiveness is giving up the right to punish the person. It’s saying that although what you did was wrong, and it has caused me pain, I choose to treat you and live my life as if it hadn’t happened. It’s a hard road, but you can get to the place where the event no longer has power over you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to continue in a relationship with that person and it doesn’t mean you suddenly agree with each other. Sometimes, you do need to break off a relationship as a matter of physical or emotional survival. You can forgive someone, yet be wise enough that trusting them again isn’t a good idea.
On the other hand, it helps to remember that it would be foolish to think we have never hurt other people. We have. We all hurt others from time to time. Maybe some people hurt other people worse than others, but we all do it. And we all want to be forgiven for our mistakes and for how we’ve caused pain to people we love. We expect the people we love to know us well enough that if we do something wrong; they would know it wasn’t our intention.
We shouldn’t start comparing what our mistakes are against the mistakes of the people that have hurt us. If we do that we may start thinking they don’t deserve our forgiveness. We need to take the first step and recognize that we want people to forgive us and give us a second chance so we should be willing to do the same back to them.
Think about what you have done to hurt/disappoint someone. Were you forgiven? Have they held a grudge against you? How did you reconcile (settle, resolve, or mend) the situation? You need to know that at some point in the future, you will end up hurting or disappointing someone you love, and you’re going to want them to forgive you. You’re going to want them to know you wish it had never happened and wish you could make it all better. Imagine forgiving someone and telling them to just let it go, “I know I’ve got you nailed for wrecking the car, and you’re going to pay for repairs, but I want you to also know that I’m not going to be telling everyone I see that you wrecked the car as a way of putting you down.”
We don’t have to hold on to the pain/hurt feelings that someone has caused. First we can decide not to hurt about it. What is the benefit to holding on to the pain/grudge? Do you feel justified in having an attitude/resentment towards someone who betrayed you? Do you like to take the situation and play it over and over in your mind? Do you find some comfort in holding on to the memory of the incident? We can have peace about it by changing our attitude about it. By choosing to hang on to a problem with someone, they have some power over us.

Have you ever walked a different way because someone you were mad at was coming down the hall? Have you ever changed your plans because that person was going to be there? Who missed out? You or them? We can find peace when we get proactive.
Stories about Les Miserables and Matthew 18

The poor man stole bread for his starving niece and was sent to prison. He served his time but when he got out, he was marked for life and could not get hired anywhere. A Bishop took him in for the night and gave him a meal. He in turn stole silver from the mansion hoping that will help him start a new life. When he was stopped and caught for the crime, the man said the Bishop gave him the silver. The police took him back to the Bishop who said that it was true. He did give him the silver. And not only the silver, but here, take these candlesticks too. The Bishop told the man to start his new life. He does that and becomes a respected person again. But the police captain had kept a resentment towards the man and tracked him down. At one point, the man had the opportunity to shoot the captain, but remembering the forgiveness shown him, he shows mercy to the police captain and lets him live.
Matthew 18 is the story of a poor man who owed a king millions of dollars, more than he could pay back in a life time. The king brought him in and was about to throw him into prison. The man begged for mercy, for a second chance. The king gave it to him. He canceled the man’s debt. He let him go free. When the man got out on to the street, he ran into a friend of his that owed him 20 bucks. He grabbed the man by the collar and demanded he pay up. Here was a guy that had just been forgiven millions of dollars in debt and he’s blasting on a guy for twenty. When friends of these men saw and heard what happened, they told the king who then put the man in prison and demanded he pay the debt in full.
What is the benefit of withholding forgiveness? To prove something? To make sure the other guy doesn’t get away with something? What? What are you afraid might happen if you forgive someone? What might you hope may happen if you forgive someone?
As long as forgiveness is withheld, it has power over you. Like this paddle ball on a rubber band, the pain the person caused you keeps bouncing back to hit you up the side of the head. The residual stuff, the leftover stuff, that you haven’t dealt with yet keeps coming back to cause fresh pain. Also, when you withhold forgiveness from someone, sometimes, that person has someone to blame for their problems. You remain connected in a bad way and there’s just bad blood between you. As long as your anger stays in place, there will always be a way to trace his/her problems back to you. Just like this rubber band and paddle. And as long as that person can blame you for the break-up, they have no reason to look at themselves to see if maybe they could be at fault. He may never examine his part in the break up. Withholding forgiveness then prevents them from growing and maturing. Your forgiveness cuts the rubber band of bad feelings between you. There may or may not be reconciliation, but there is a much better chance now that the resentment is gone. Even if there is not reconciliation, there is peace between you.
If you forgive the other person, and cut the rubber band, that frees the person to go and live life. The person is out there bouncing around all over the place without their problems interfering with your life. There’s a better chance of that person getting better if they lose you as the scapegoat.

For you, when you cut the string, your life is free. You can live your life without stuff bouncing back to hit you all the time. Whether it’s their issues or yours, you can move about your life freely–in school, home, town, what ever. You don’t have to plan your day or your life avoiding this person anymore. They no longer have an impact on you.

That other person may not change. He/she may bounce around looking for someone else to blame for the misery. That happens. He/she may get connected to another paddle, someone willing to put up with bad treatment or he/she may target the anger at some one else that has caused him pain. If he’s lucky, he’ll get the message that no matter where he bounces, he’s miserable and finally realize that he’s the common denominator to the problems. Maybe then he’ll look for help.

In the meantime, your peace has returned.

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