Grieving--Dealing with Loss
Grieving, continued...
Pain is cumulative, so something that may have happened a while ago that is not grieved through all the way, will keep adding to whatever new pain is experienced as time goes on. Then, when something that seems like it should be no big deal happens in your life, you over react, or react in a way that is out of proportion to the event. For example, your grandma dies, 3 months later you move to another state leaving all your friends, and then one day your neighbor’s cat gets run over, and you break down hysterically sobbing and don’t even know why. Guilt, acceptance, and forgiveness are also things you may need to work on with someone.
Sometimes, people are angry at the person they’ve lost and feel guilty about it, so you may need to forgive yourself along with others. Some people have been aware of a situation for a long time and have already gone through many stages of grief before an event actually happens, so they may seem a little more at ease or comfortable with the actual crisis. People may say, "how can they feel so good so soon after?" Everyone’s different and everyone grieves differently and on different time frames. Don’t compare your reaction to anyone else’s, you don’t know what their life has been like up till then.
Don’t let the past rob you of your future. It’s okay to go on and live a good life even after losing someone very important to you. We all need people in our lives that love us and when we lose one of those people, we may feel incomplete, as if we will never be loved again. But it’s okay to work toward being your best self. Take all the good that you gained from your friend/loved one, and multiply it in your life. That’s what you can do for him/her to keep them alive in your heart and in your life. You can make that person’s life count in this world.
Acknowledge that it is normal to hurt, but also acknowledge that it will be okay and it will be normal and good to heal. It doesn’t mean you ever forget that person or their influence on your life, it just means you’re normal. Loving and letting people in our hearts then losing them is probably the most painful thing anyone will ever experience. But we have to live and go through that experience over and over. We’re better for it, really, and we love new people better and hold them more precious and tell them so. I pray you will have peace and comfort in your heart as you go through this time. Be gentle with yourself and be gentle with others as they experience losses in their lives.
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